Phobos Gets PMS
by Supergirrl
Summary: What the title says.


This is actually quite funny. Just read it. I apologize for the excessive use of capslock, I will not do it again. Review, peeps!

Disclaimer: I do not own Witch, or anything else I make jokes about/rip off in this.

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The eerie silence that usually filled the palace of Prince Phobos was shattered by an earth-shaking shriek. Specifically, the scream of the Prince Phobos. Was it, perhaps, that the infamous Guardians of the Veil had once again attacked? Or maybe his sister, Princess Elyon, had discovered his dubious plot to drain her powers and life force? Or was it-

"MY PANTENE PRO-V EXTRA SHINY SANDY BLONDE SHAMPOO FOR MEN! IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"

Miranda set down her People magazine (Miranda had a deep psychological interest in Brad Pitt's abs. You got a problem with that?) and looked at Cedric, who was trying to sleep. At the same time, they both said," It's your turn."

After a brief stare down, Cedric sighed and stood up. "I'll handle it. Next time, you're doing it." Miranda barely nodded, having re-immersed herself into the magazine.

Cedric strode briskly down the corridor to Phobos's bathing chamber. When he reached the correct door, he opened it slowly, preparing to dodge anything Phobos threw at him.

Instead of the murderous prince he had anticipated, Phobos was curled up on the floor in a little ball, his head turned away from Cedric. Cedric stared down at his master for a second before saying cautiously," Are you okay?"

Phobos made a snarling sound before replying," No, I am not okay. I am very un-okay, in fact." He crawled towards the untidy stack of clothing lying next to the hissing pool of water (Down, slash shippers, don't get excited, he's wearing a towel.), and dug through the towering stack of robes. After a minute, he emerged victorious with something that Cedric instantly recognized as a bar of Hershey's chocolate-Dark, if he remembered correctly-that Cedric had brought for Phobos from Earth.

Phobos tore the wrapper off, and began to devour the chocolate with a speed and ferocity that Cedric had not seen since the Mogriffs decided that Hoogongs would make excellent snacks. Phobos swallowed the last bite of his candy bar, then growled," I said I wanted the ones with brownie bits."

Cedric frowned. "But they were all out of the brownie-"

Phobos shouted at him," I want brownie bits, damnit!"

"My lord, maybe you should calm-"

"I DON'T NEED TO CALM DOWN, DAMNIT!"

Cedric let loose a long-suffering sigh." Sire, is it that time of month again?"

Yes, Phobos had PMS. It was typical of men with magical abilities, almost like a side effect. That week or so a month when Phobos was PMSing were complete hell for everyone, especially Cedric. Fortunately, Cedric brought pills from Earth that made Phobos a little more….calm. Unfortunately, they made him near-hysterical and moody, and gave him a huge craving for random things. For the last year or so, it had been chocolate. Leading up to that was the tuna-fish-casserole obsession that left Cedric with a pure loathing of sea food. Other cravings had been pizza, pickles, tomatoes, Tom and Jerry's Moose Tracks Ice Cream, and one time, it was chicken noodle soup 'the way Grandma used to make it.' Cedric had been given the unpleasant task of informing Phobos that he did not have a grandmother who cooked, or even a grandma.

Phobos dropped his gaze to the ground, and whispered," Is it really that obvious?"

Cedric nodded.

A guard hesitantly entered the room, his head bowed with respect. "My lord, the Guardians have been spotted near the castle. Shall I give the order to attack?"

Phobos muttered," Just leave me alone. I don't care about the stupid Guardians."

The guard's eyes widened with confusion. "Sire, did you hear me correctly? The Guardians are near, they're within firing range and-"

Phobos tossed the wrapper at him.

"They have a battering ram, sire! Maybe we should do something?"

"I told you, I don't care!" With that, Phobos's already nonexistent patience evaporated and he shot a poorly aimed bolt of lightning at the guard, who turned and ran. Phobos pulled yet another candy bar from his robes, and curled up in the corner of the subterranean cave, chewing it contently. Between bites, he said to Cedric," Fetch me my iPod, Lord Cedric. I have a need to listen to that wonderful singer, Christina Aguilera. She has a perfect song called 'Rich Girl' that I simply love!"

Cedric sighed. "That's Gwen Stefani, my lord."

Phobos frowned. "Oh." Then, he stood up, and using the half-eaten candy bar as a fake microphone, began to sing the song Rich Girl, complete with hip shaking and butt wiggling.

Cedric turned and ran to the sound of Phobos warbling," 'Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealth gi-r-r-r-rl!"

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I love the ending. Please review.

O.G.


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